idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
