I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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