a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
