I got chris browned last night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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