why didn't you poke me back
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize