does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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