if i can run in heels then i can drive
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize