we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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