so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
