I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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