I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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