take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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