I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize