he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
