...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
