i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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