"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
