i permit you to call me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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