I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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