You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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