I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
