Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize