Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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