My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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