he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
