you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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