Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
