I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
