i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
