Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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