I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize