3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
