dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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