Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
