hell yes lets make some ravioli
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
