I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
