okay pat passed out under dana's car
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
