Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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