im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
