Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
