WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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