508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
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