I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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