mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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