I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
