i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I believe in your delicious
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
