NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
