and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
