I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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