Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i drank out of a bidet.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
