this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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