I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
