new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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