Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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