just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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