In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
