Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
