Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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