Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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