life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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