its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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