do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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