I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
