so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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