I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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