I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
