and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
