She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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