Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
