Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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