So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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